When this blog started out it was all for the adoption. Slowly it has evolved into more of a journal for me. I was hesitant to write much about Ethan because I truly do not live in the past, but tonight I felt the pang of the past, so this will be a post about Ethan as I need to get my feelings out. It may get deleted shortly once I am past tonight.
5 1/2 years later I don't have a lot of bad moments, certain dates will always get to me, but for the most part as much as I will always think about Ethan I am ok. Tonight I was going through my 3-6 month bin of clothes, as Brock is moving on to the next size. A flood of memories hit me as I remembered specific things. Sometimes it seems like a dream that Ethan was really here, but then I see the clothes, and I can remember specific things, and it feels just like yesterday that he was here. My heart is heavy tonight, I know this process and I know tomorrow will be ok.
About a month ago I ran into a friend from High School in the mall. She told me about her kids, and said she had a 8 year old at school. I said "Wow! You have an 8 year old!" Then it hit me duh! I would have a 7 1/2 year old.
I am starting to ramble, but it feels good to let it out. I will still stick to what I have said all along though, as much as I miss him and wonder how he would be with his brothers, I would not change a thing. I am grateful Austin and Brocky have a brother who is watching over them, and I am grateful for those few moments, when I know he is close by.
17 years ago
5 comments:
Its nice to hear thoughts about Ethan because I know I think about him too. Thanks for that blog.
Karen, It's not a bad thing at all to think about Ethan, talk about him, and re-live a moment of memories of Ethan. I live with those memories everyday with Trinity...and actually grab ahold of them right now and that's part of my life now. Don't ever apologize or feel like you can't talk about Ethan. He's just as apart of you and your daily lives as Brocky and Austin are...you are a mother of 3 kids...and you will be forever! I saw that you called, I'll call you back to check up on you and see how you're doing. I LOVE YOU!!!!
P.S. You know what? My blog is my place to write about Trinity and my feelings...people around me are used to that now, they expect it and are comfortable with me talking about Trin. I just want you to know that you are safe with me to talk about Ethan any time you want. HUGS!!!
I love you. Let your heart out!
We all miss him too Kar...Im glad we can all still talk about cute little Ethan!
Karen,
I just happened onto your blog, cuz I was looking at the Thornleys blog and you are on their blog list...anyways, just want you to know that I too think about Ethan and your family at different moments as time goes by. You will always hold a very special place in my heart. We had some fun and special times together in YW. Ethan was very much apart of that time in my life! He will always be remembered by our family.
Love always!!
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